


Where I'm Meant to Be

by Paladin-Pile (UserFromPluto)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Keith just really loves Shiro, M/M, Nightmare, Shiro (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Shiro realizes something, an oversized sweater makes an appearance, let them rest, they both have their issues but love each other anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UserFromPluto/pseuds/Paladin-Pile
Summary: Shiro has an eye-opening conversation with Keith, but it puts a rift between them. Torn, Shiro pulls away, but the nightmares just might drive him back.





	Where I'm Meant to Be

**Author's Note:**

> loosely inspired by a post from [@oldmythos](http://oldmythos.tumblr.com/post/165251584355/okay-but-have-you-considered-post-nightmare-shiro) and that art piece of Shiro asking Keith to kill him. Thanks to Myth for the beta!

 

 

   Shiro awakes to falling, to claws sinking into his flesh and a harsh voice screeching in an unknown language. The second he hits the floor he gasps a huge lungful of air, curling up and throwing his arms over his head.

 _No, no! Please_ , his mind begs, but when he tries to move, his legs are bound. Panic surges through him and he kicks out hard, only to have pain explode through his left leg.

   Gasping again, he sits up, clutching his leg and squinting at the bright lights of the room. Slowly his mind comprehends that he is in his own room in the castle, tangled in the sheets and sitting on the cool floor. Shiro remembers the lights are set to brighten when they sense movement, and he takes several deep breathes, trying to steady himself.

   He is shaking so hard he can barely hold himself up, and his shirt is soaked through with cold sweat. He tries to move away the hair that’s plastered to his forehead but his fingers won’t obey his commands. Tears roll down his face and Shiro bites back a whine. His chest _hurts_ , and it’s so hard to breathe.

   His leg throbs again and Shiro looks down to see a bruise forming on his shin. He must have banged it when he was thrashing about. His eyes slip shut but immediately fly open again. The horrors were still lurking, able to grab him in only a split second of darkness. He has to get out of here, find someone to help him, to protect him. It’s hard to sob with one’s eyes forced open but Shiro does it.

   He’s so cold, so _scared_. Every fiber of his being is screaming for help, but he knows he must go look for it. Rolling over, he forces his body to raise on all fours, then to his feet, swaying dangerously as he stumbles to the door. His vision is so blurred that he doesn’t even know where he is going, but suddenly he is leaning heavily against another door, hand pressing to the keypad.

   The door lurches open and Shiro falls through into the relative darkness. Blinking back tears he hugs himself and looks around. When his eyes fall on the sleeping figure, the yearning in his chest doubles, and he all but falls to his knees beside the bed.

   Guilt slams into his body like a moving train and Shiro rests his head on the edge of the mattress, shaking and crying silently. He shouldn’t be here, not after what he did to Keith just a few hours ago -- the very reason why they weren’t sleeping together in the first place. The cold seeps through Shiro’s pajama pants as he sits with his legs folded under him, hands clutching Keith’s blanket. The scene from the day before plays vividly through his mind.

 

 ……

 

_“You know, Keith,” Shiro said, casually as they were laying side by side on top of the covers. “If Haggar ever takes control of me, or something makes me lose my mind and hurt one of you, you'll have to kill me. I need you to promise me that.”_

_He rolled the wrist of his Galra arm, absently staring as he pondered a few dangers they should be thinking about. The issue of him going monster was the first precaution on the list, but now that it was addressed he mentally moved on to the others. What if someone else tried to take control of a lion while the paladin was inside? Maybe they should train for that. Let’s see, what if the life-support systems failed? He should talk to Hunk and Coran about having a plan…Shiro chewed his lip, checking off the theoretical boxes one by one. It wasn’t until he felt a movement beside him that he blinked with a start, realizing Keith hadn’t actually responded._

_Shiro turned his head took look at him and his eyes widened. Keith was curled up on his side in a fetal position, facing Shiro. His hands gripped in his hair and tears were streaming out of his tightly-shut eyes. With a gasp Shiro jerked forward, leaning up on one elbow while the other arm wrapped tightly around Keith’s back._

_“Keith! What’s wrong?” he asked quietly, heart squeezing at the other boy’s distress. He couldn’t stand seeing Keith in pain, it dug invisible knives into his chest and-_

_Before Shiro could blink he was on his back, pinned to the bed by Keith hovering over him. Keith's forearms were like iron bars pressing on his chest and neck, but Shiro didn’t feel it, unable to tear his eyes away from Keith’s. Shiro was sure he looked shocked, wide eyes and open mouth, but the raw pain and fury and_ betrayal _in Keith's eyes was like nothing he had ever seen before._

_Shiro swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. For a moment, neither of them spoke, the only sounds being Keith’s labored breaths. Then, finally, Keith opened his mouth._

_“Who do you think I_ am _, Shiro?” he asked, voice breaking as more tears slid from his face and onto Shiro’s own. “You ask me to lead if something happens to you, you ask me to kill you if you lose control…” he paused to breathe. “What, in all the years of knowing me makes you think I could do that?” His voice was tired, colored with bitterness, and his body trembled against Shiro’s own. Shiro ached with sadness but he remained frozen._

_“What is it that you think I see when I look at you? Keith continued, words spilling out in desperation. “How do think I feel-”_

_He crumbled into sobs and Shiro reached out. He rested his hands on either side of Keith’s waist but the other boy shoved them away, getting off of Shiro and sitting against the wall._

_“Don’t touch me!” he cried, “I’m sick of getting hurt by you.”_

_Shiro’s heart sunk, into some black abyss that had opened in his chest. He sat up, not taking his eyes off of Keith’s trembling form. It was rare for Keith to spill out so many words. What had Shiro done?_

_“It’s like you’re doing everything you can to break my heart,” Keith said, wet cheeks glistening. “To stab me where it hurts the most, like you don’t know how much I love you!” He gestured wildly with his arms before slumping down again._

_“Do you not know, Shiro? Do you really not know? Or do you just not care?”_

_Shiro bowed his head, stomach churning and thoughts reeling. He knew, didn’t he? Why didn’t he see it, realize how much his own self-loathing was hurting others?_

_“I didn’t know,” he finally whispered. “I— I think I’ve, been blind to a lot of things.” He ran a hand down his face, letting out a heavy breath. “Keith, I’d never want to hurt you, please believe me. I’m just trying to protect you, to protect the team and…I guess—”_

_“I know you’re trying,” Keith retorted. “But you need to trust us. Trust that we could find a way that maybe you don’t think of. You don’t always know best.”_

_Shiro huffed a sad laugh. “Yeah I know. I’m sorry.”_

_The words echoed hollowly around the room. Keith’s eyes showed understanding but he quickly dropped his gaze, making no move to get closer to Shiro. The pain still lingered like a wet fog around them, and with each minute Shiro’s guilt grew. He knew Keith’s past, knew the fears and sorrows he carried, but with his own ignorance he had been hurting Keith all along._

……

 

   Shiro swallows hard, remembering how the silence had stretched on, how he had finally stood with a heart-heavy sigh and left the room without a glance back. He had _hurt_ Keith, he doesn’t deserve to be near him, shouldn’t be, in case it happens again, but Shiro catches himself. _Isn’t this the type of thinking that had hurt Keith in the first place?_

   Keith stirs and makes a small sound, but doesn’t awaken. He is sleeping peacefully, though his eyes are red-rimmed, and Shiro raises a hand to brush the soft hair away from the red paladin’s face.

   He doesn’t have to disturb Keith, he can just sit here beside the bed. That will help. It will be enough. He knows he is lying to himself: the fear still slugs through his veins like poison, and his skin screams for a gentle touch, for the comfort and safety he can only get from being held to Keith’s chest. Shiro represses another whimper, letting his tears fall on the blanket. _Would Keith even want him there after what happened?_ Deep down he knows he must take the risk, so with more willpower than he ever remembers needing he reaches to clutch the warm arm.

   “Keith,” he chokes out.

   Keith immediately twitches and his eyes flutter open, the hand that isn’t in Shiro’s grasp reaching toward the voice.

   “Shiro?” he murmurs sleepily. The lump in Shiro’s throat is so painful he can’t speak, and he lets out a shaky breath instead. Instantly Keith is more alert, face falling as he takes in Shiro’s state.

   “It’s ok, you’re ok, Shiro. What happened?” he asks softly, sitting up and running his hands over Shiro’s face. He must feel the violent trembling because suddenly there are hands holding Shiro's upper arms and carefully pulling him up. As soon as he is settled on the bed Keith wraps an arm around him, only to jerk back in shock.

   “Shiro you’re soaking! Here, take the shirt off.”

   Gentle hands guide the icy clothing off his body, and when they disappear Shiro unconsciously tries to follow them. Keith turns the dial above the bed that raises the lights a tiny bit, just enough to see, and digs around in the blankets for something. Shiro lets his eyes fall shut, shame bathing him, but in a second Keith is touching him again.

   In his hands is a sweater, thick and cloud-soft, and it glides over Shiro’s skin as he lifts his arms, allowing Keith to pull it on him. It’s several sizes too big, made for an ancient being that was much larger than Shiro himself.

   “I found it in the storage,” Keith remarks, as Shiro strokes the soft material with awe. He's swimming in it, sleeves hanging past his fingertips and the collar slipping off one shoulder. It feels safe, and already Shiro’s muscles begin to relax. When his eyes meet Keith’s, the love in them warms him from the core. Keith smiles sadly and opens his arms.

   “Come ‘ere,” he says, and Shiro falls. Keith cradles him tightly and lowers them both into the bed. Shiro tangles himself with Keith as close as he can, clinging like he has just been shipwrecked and Keith is the last piece of drifting wood. In the back of his mind he feels foolish – the black paladin, leader of the most powerful weapon in the universe, can only feel safe when tucked under his boyfriend’s chin, pressed to his chest where he can hear the heartbeat he loves so much – but the feeling doesn’t last long. Keith hums and wraps himself protectively around Shiro, pressing his lips to Shiro’s hair and scratching the back of his head soothingly.

   Keith hasn’t pressed to find out what happened, he probably knows anyway. Nightmares are a common burden for both of them, made even worse when they are not together, but now Shiro’s fear bleeds away. Keith’s quiet breaths and soft ministrations are lulling him into rest, and Shiro slides a hand up Keith’s back, stopping at the base of his neck and thumbing the soft skin there. Keith shivers and Shiro kisses his chest.

   “Thank you,” he whispers. “I’m sorry.”

   Keith makes a sad sound and pulls Shiro closer. “I love you Shiro,” he says, as if that explains everything.  Shiro’s eyes flood with new tears, but they are not painful ones.

   “I love you too.”

   The vice on Shiro’s chest is fading fast. He closes his eyes, relaxing into the warmth and softness that surrounds him so completely. His heart fills to bursting with the simple joy of being protected. Nothing can touch him here, the encroaching horrors of a dark universe cannot reach him, and he sighs blissfully. Keith’s heartbeat is steady and Shiro wonders at the fact that this precious being loves him so completely, despite the personal battles they both must face. Holding Keith’s warm body close, Shiro drifts off to sleep in the circle of his arms,

   Safe.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Cry with me on tumblr @paladin-pile


End file.
